![]() ![]() After some thinking, this is what I landed on: I think it’s just to build some container for repetitive thoughts, so I can file them away quickly without needing to turn them over so incessantly (I got that one from a therapist, which makes it easier to buy than my own crackpot theories). I notice I do this when I’m dealing with a lot of things that are out of my control. I’ve recently found myself looking for a phrase to encapsulate how modern life feels. I also realize that some of my last year is just a side-effect of getting older.īut I think there has been a deeper problem that coincides with all of this, and it’s one I have been thinking about a lot lately. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned from the pandemic, it’s that I understand people even less than I thought I did. I suspected that the world wasn’t going to slow down, assess what has happened, and gracefully find a new normal. Individually, none of these things (well, other than two) were a huge deal. Maybe to some music that’s upbeat and annoying, played on a tack piano. I could keep going, but that’s enough for a general montage. So where did the year go? The details of what happened aren’t very interesting, so I’ll just boil it down to a string of words: doctors, dental surgeries, IRS, accountants, termites, strangers drilling into pipes/flooded recording studio, injuries, computers dying, construction, diet, address mixups, equipment failure, insomnia, bureaucratic mazes. It makes me suspicious of my own reasoning. I make things up for a living, and with that comes the ability to whip up theories with little effort. I have no real idea what I’m talking about here. My running theory is that it all revolves around when we first learn how life generally works (from, say, ages 5 through 20) and we are forever comparing ourselves to that particular window of time – to when all those neurons were initially connected. I’m not sure when, or how, I developed that standard. But this also highlights that I have an expectation about how time should feel. I hear people older than me say the same often. My relationship with time is only getting stranger, but I suspect that’s normal. ![]() ![]() That’s pretty difficult to wrap my head around. So it’s been a full year since I last wrote here. ![]()
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